So I haven't been able to be at church in like 3 weeks which is the worst feeling ever. I haven't been able to go on Wednesday's in the longest time, but from what I am hearing it's a good thing. All the old 'regulars' that used to show up (whether you thought them good or bad) are slowly starting to quit going as well. A lot of drama has been going down. Kim and Blake fighting; all the new kids coming in and stirring up stuff. Did y'all know there are like 12 new kids that come like every other wednesday but always seem to leave before youth ACTUALLY starts? And less and less people are attending Sunday School? This is just what I am hearing thru the grapevine since I haven't been able to be there. I've been attending the BSU here on campus a few times each week whenever I have a break. The BSU is the Baptist Student Union on campus. It's pretty sweet being around a lot of other people who feel how I feel and are going thru some of the same things I am. I haven't talked to Mallory since the weekend after Valentine's day. Her and TJ are together which is part of the reason we don't speak. Her mom recently got married and Mallory is threatening to move in with TJ..yeah I know I know. I see Adam a lot around campus, but we just don't talk anymore. I guess when school has consumed your life and you can't make it to your 'home' church every sunday, people cut you off? I don't know. I'm striving to go on Sunday. I've made it like my goal. School this semester is just SO much more difficult, especially with me pledging a sorority AND getting ready to take a trip to NYC. I've reached my boiling point several times. I've also changed a lot I feel...since last semester. And it pretty much saddens me. I pray every night still and before meals and sometimes just in the middle of the day...but I feel like my heart isn't how it used to be and I can't quite understand why...and how to get it back. I think that when the summer comes and everything is new and fresh I can be -myself- again. There are some things that have been going down here lately, that have really tested my faith, and my values. Some of them I have won...and others I have lost. But i'm still fighting, while everyone else is hoping I'll fail. That's the biggest depression of all...that everyone expects me to fail..and actually encourages it. ...... My mom doesn't have breast cancer (thanks for the prayers Jesse) BUTTTTTT They did remove several tumors and say that she has to go back each month for checkups..more so than usual. AND breast cancer runs in my family. My aunt died in 1996 from it. And my great-aunt went thru the same thing my mom did. "oh it's not cancer it's not cancer" ..."Sorry miss Ameilia...it's cancer" i mean seriously. this isn't put in stone..or even for sure yet..it's just something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I'm getting ready to apply to UF (univ. of florida) and UWF (univ. of w. florida) as a transfer..and see if I get in and possibly how much financial aid they will offer me. i might.maybe.possibly.not for sure. be moving BACK to florida. i just left p-cola after being there for 1 week and realized just how much I miss everyone. This was the first trip I came back and was literally in tears. I just don't know. i know my updates are few and far between and my deepest apologies..but like I said..things are CRAZY here. i'll try to be better...OH and y'all need to hurry up and come back. I miss you guys! :0) HP | 
